My phone rang as I was leaving the office last Thursday. The caller, who I had saved on contacts list as, “Co-Wife” sounded super excited (I was excited too) when I picked the call,
“Hi Agie! Longtime dear!”
“Longtime, how have you been?”
“Great. Labda wewe.”
“Am good. I have really missed you. Si we hook up for coffee this weekend? My treat.” This chic always gets straight to the point
“Aaaaw! Co-wife you are too sweet. I have missed you too. But kwani you’ve forgotten that I don’t take coffee?”
“Ooops! My bad. Agie the diva!”
“Can’t a girl play hard to get and have standards in this day and age?”
“Haha! You are so silly! So we meeting Sato right?”
“If you insist, who am I to say no?”
“And please, show up wearing that sexy top that I like.”
“Oh paliiz! (Yes I said that) My dress my choice! But I might wear the top as long as you are sending me an Uber. Si you know how I hate nduthis”
“Yeah right, says the girl who lives right in the armpit of Kitengela. What was the name of your boda guy again?”
She hang up the phone laughing, but I was going to revenge on Saturday when we met. We later agreed to meet at a coffee shop in the CBD in the late afternoon. Now, I know some of you are waiting for a cat fight story but spoiler alert, am so sorry to disappoint you. I do not partake of such bootless quests. Plus my body size puts me at a great disadvantage, so I choose my battles very wisely.
This is how we became co-wives. At some point when we were younger and less wiser, we worked for the same organization and fell in love with the same guy. As in………we were in a relationship with the same guy, at the same time, in the same damn organization! So in other words we got played a good one, by a player who knew the game. Am not proud of that people, but oh well………love is a game too right? This guy deployed divide and rule tactics that worked really well. He would always tell me that she was the one who wanted him and then tell her that I was the one insisting on him! So as you can imagine, we were sworn enemies at some point. The dude really capitalized on the fact that we couldn’t see eye to eye as we hated confrontations. I won’t lie, there were times when I wished that bad things happen to her and she featured in a lot of my nightmares (co-wife you know that I love you). How we became friends is a story for another day.
So Sato was here finally and when we met she started by caviling why I didn’t wear the sexy top that she wanted. The struggles you go through when someone is taking you out! SMH! She was dressed in a floral print purple dress and had chopped off her long hair but still looked stunning with the short haircut.
“You still have the same big forehead!” She quipped as we took seats
“Hahaha! The same one that our husband loved? Yeah, I have been trying to come up with a mathematical formula that will accurately calculate the area it occupies on my face!”
“Hahaha! And I cut off the hair that he loved to stroke.”
“Now my hair is longer than yours. Nyenyenye bubu! But you still look great though.”
“Wewe wacha, izo ni compliments za kuconfuse maadui.” Some people don’t know how to gracefully accept compliments.
We laughed it off and continued to catch up. I ordered a milkshake and she copied me…….copycat!
This meeting made me realize that we had a lot more in common other than an ex-boyfriend. We both loved Hip hop, although she thought Drake was iller (ama how do you say that in correct English?) than Kendrick Lamar. As much as I love them both, I would pick Kendrick all day any day! We talked about everything from movies to pick up lines. This chic had quite the sense of humor. She reminded me of our tiff while we were co-girlfriends and the way we felt stupid on the day we realized that a n*gga was just taking us for a ride. How it felt to realize that we were part of the chain of fools. How we dropped him like a sack of rotten potatoes when he was busted. The look on his face when he was begging for forgiveness.
My favorite part of this date was sharing the experiences we had while dating this guy. You see for me, all was well (at least, that’s what I thought) until he introduced me to his brother who never forgave me for being a descendant of the Jok Omolo. Our husband was from a different tribe, the tribe whose men I am usually warned about. But hey! Love don’t care and tribalism is a cancer…..no? The main issue we had in the relationship was tribe and there was only so much I could do. Co-wife on the other end was lucky, she was from the approved tribe so his brother (our hard to please in-law) kinda accepted her. When you think that the relationship is just about you and your significant other, shockoooh! You have to be approved by the vetting board (his boys and idle meddlesome relaz). Co-wife told me that her main issue with our husband was lack of trust. Apparently, he always suspected that she was cheating on him. Funny huh? We made tons of jokes about that love triangle. Then I asked her,
“On a scale of 1-10 how heartbreaking was it for you to find out that your boyfriend had a chic on the side?” No wait, was I the side chic?
“Uuumh! Like……..2.8.” She laughed.
“Wait, so you actually cheated on my boyfriend?” I tried to act surprised and annoyed.
“Ever heard of the saying, don’t put all your eggs in one basket?”
“Who were cheating with? I demand to know!”
“Easy ….our husband broke my heart too. I took months to get over him. Especially those brown eyes.”
“Yeah, those eyes were really something. I had to get powerful prayers to forget them.” We might not easily admit it, but at this point, we became nostalgic in a brief moment of silence.
“Hahaha! Ati prayers? Who prayed for you?” She interrupted the nostalgic silence
“Some powerful jalemo from my shags.”
“What’s a jalemo.”
“Mtu ya maombi. My worried grandma organized for the prayers. They were melodramatic as hell, but they worked.” I replied feigning sadness.
“Hahaha! You are crazy. But Agie tell me something, did you ever get over our husband?”
“Yes, that was part of the package in the jalemos prayers. And you?”
“Yes, but I did not need a jalemo. I got the perfect rebound and it worked.”
“Are you sure that you were not cheating on our husband?”
“Hahaha! For real! I never cheated. Ama you doubt me too”
“No I believe you girl. Our husband was hot, who would even think of cheating? We were a pair loyal fools. But we are wiser now.”
“Yeah. Wiser. To more wisdom.” She said raising her empty glass.
“To more wisdom.” I raised mine too.
It was now getting late and I had to pack and leave for my diaspora journey. We left that coffee shop at around 7:00 pm and I was really happy to have met with my co-wife after such a long time. The trip down memory lane was as nostalgic as it was hilarious.
As for our husband, dude clearly, we got over you. Even though we lost a boyfriend after we broke up, I got a friend (not every woman gets that honor). I have nothing against you, because I realized long time ago that I run my life and letting petty things like that stupid love triangle weigh me down, would be like allowing other things to run my life. To my lovely co-wife, I had such an amazing time dear. I still can’t believe that we are friends. We should meet again, next time we can try a mani-pedi treat or maybe clubbing or a nyama choma plot in Kitengela. Ama what do you think?
Team Mafisi Note: The lady on the featured image is not my co-wife. My co-wife is hotter than her…………and single.