It began with a dare from my crazy friend Sophie. When you are ‘normal’ like me, God sends you some craziness for balance sake. We were having milkshakes at our favorite coffee shop when she dared me. So basically, I was to walk up the stranger at the next table, engage him in a conversation…..funny enough to make him laugh himself silly, just that. At first I told her that I don’t partake stupid such dares and she was quick to call me a chicken. That was enough to make me change my mind because I can be anything else but a chicken. Hells to the no!
I rose from my seat and marched to that table with confidence of a Luo guy blowing his trumpet, even though deep down I was cursing Sophie for being such a bad friend. The occupant welcomed me with a smile to which I smiled back….awkwardly. He wore a denim shirt. His face hosted brown eyes that reminded me of one of my exes. I noticed the shambala on his left hand there was a guitar on the seat next to him.
“Lovely guitar you have, can I join you?”
“Sure. Your friend sent you on dare huh?”
“Is it that obvious?” I asked taking a seat.
“Well…….. Kinda. You look like a good girl.”
“Don’t be fooled by the cover. Am bad ass.” I think at that point, I wore my bitch face to emphasize my bad assness (if there is such a word).
He laughed then said, “OK bad gyal. Proceed with the dare.”
“Basically, I was to come here and make you laugh.”
“Cool. Drop the joke already, it better be funny…. am hard to please.” He quipped
“I want us to laugh in the count of three.”
“Really? Without the joke?”
“No! The joke comes before the laugh!”
“Yeah, but isn’t funny that I want us to laugh?”
“OK fine. You are paying me after this, right?”
“C’mon. Tenda wema bro! Plus….am giving you my number.”
“What makes you think I want your number?”
“Weeeeelllll……. You were staring at me before I came to this table.” I said, oozing confidence.
“Noooooo I wasn’t!”
“Yes you were!”
“Dude! Just help a sister out!”
“OK I don’t like disappointing fine lasses so I will help you.”
“So you think am fine?”
“Let’s just laugh already! Okay?”
“Yes.” He muttered
We then burst into a long laugh which ended after I confirmed that Sophie had seen us laugh. Actually, come to think of it, the laugh was fake in the beginning then kinda….maybe…sort of got real towards the end.
“Thanks for your cooperation.” I said getting up.
“Give me your number first.”
“Ooooh! So you actually really wanted my number?”
“Nope. I just don’t like being ripped off. We had a deal!”
“OK. Give me your phone.”
“No I prefer a business card.”
“I don’t have a card.”
“If we checked that purse you are holding, there would be no card?”
“I don’t have the cards in this purse.”
“Cool. Then let me walk to your friend and spill all the details of our hearty laughter.” He replied stroking his beard. Wicked man!
“You are such a blackmailer!” I retorted fishing a business card from my purse and reluctantly handing it over.
“Thanks, (reading the card) Agnes I will definitely give you a call.” He smirked in triumph.
I walked back to our table with mixed emotions, happy because I conquered the dare thoroughly, and angry because I walked into my own trap. Plus putting on the fake smile throughout that conversation was just funny to remember.
Roughly 2 months after that incident, Sophie came visiting, saying that she had a surprise. Her surprises are not exactly things that I look forward to. The last time she told me she had a surprise, she set me up on a blind date……with a cop……who showed up in his uniform and armed. Now that is not romantic at all. They say that there is something sexy about a man in uniform, but I don’t subscribe to that school of thought. I fear cops just like other ordinary citizen now imagine a date with a cop? It was traumatic! Anyway, she went on to unveil her surprise by dangling 2 concert tickets on my face. This was a good surprise considering am such a fan of the local music scene. The artist line up was great.
The concert was going down that weekend. I was on turn up mode. My selfie camera was set for photos and my feet were ready to hit the dance floor. The party was lit! Time to jiachilia and burst some moves. That was up until someone tapped my shoulder. It was him, the stranger from the coffee shop. I froze because I had ignored all his calls and texts. In fact, his number was saved on my phone as, ‘Laughing blackmailer’ because for some reason, I did not want to block it. We chics do this all the time like I once saved an ex as, ‘Jesus Take the Wheel’ because our romance was in its death bed. Plus, it was fun watching the blackmailer getting ignored. By now I had gathered that his name was David, he had introduced himself in one of the numerous texts that he had sent. I was busted and there was no running away. He then got close and whispered in my ear, “You did not honor our deal …….Agnes!”
Anyway, I finally started responding to his calls and texts after the concert. We would talk for hours. He had a beautiful mind (or should I call it handsome?) There was a connection that we couldn’t deny. Soon I started getting massive butterflies in my tummy every time we met. It was obvious, boy likes girl and girl likes him back. So we did what everyone else in love (or thinks is in love) does, we ruined our friendship by becoming more than friends. I love being in control of my life, but being in love somehow debilitates my control systems so I whispered this prayer to my Maker:
“Sweet Jesus, please undo this. You must undo this!”
I called him sweet because I was desperate. It was a short prayer because I knew that He understood what I wanted Him to do or rather, undo. He knew that I was not talking about my recent job promotion or the magical first kiss that I had with David. He knew that ‘this’ ……..meant the feels I was developing. But I doubt if Jesus answers such prayers. In fact he must have received tons of this kinds of pleas and ignored them because the last time I asked Him to undo ‘this’ He did nothing! Nothing!!!! And I ended up with a broken heart. Maybe when He heard my prayer He rolled his eyes indignantly retorted, “Fool! Desperate fool! I will Ignore her!” Because it’s only fools who keep running into trouble, that make such requests. Maybe my plea was not convincing enough. But come to think of it, persuasion had never been my strength.
David is a great lover, not like the ones I had in the past. He has everything I have been looking for. He serenades me with his guitar and divine vocals. Girls love that kind of stuff. I am yet to find a course that will teach me how to say no to his dreamy brown eyes. However the ugly side of this beautiful tale is…….they will never accept us. Instead, they will serve us with statistics of fools like us who thought that they would make it. Fill our heads with horror stories enough to give us nightmares for the next decade. They will point out the impossibilities and dim our ray of hope. We won’t be in peace because we kinda need their acceptance. They are eagerly waiting to tell us, “We told you!” They want us to find reasons to hate each other ASAP. They see no beauty in diversity.
And sweet Jesus won’t answer my prayer……..again.
Thanks for the warm birthday wishes and gifts people. Gbenna, thanks for the cake. You are the most hardworking artiste manager I have ever met. If you are an artist and you need a manager to take your career to the next level, talk to me nicely hehehe! However let me state categorically that the age projected on Facebook as mine was wrong. My IT expert Sam Ndori can confirm that he noticed some unusual activity on the servers between 4:30pm and 5:00pm a day before my birthday. That explains the inflated figures. But all is well now.