Long post alert!
A few weeks ago, I Agnes, the grand daughter of Senior Chief Opondo decided to give readers an opportunity to ask me any questions they could have about me. I quickly realized that was bad idea after posting the question on Facebook. I mean I am giving strangers online a chance to ask me anything? Like anything???? Do you realize how dangerous that can be? How cruel netizens can get? But anyway I made my bed so I shall lay on it. I will answer the questions to the best of my ability. Lakini maswali zingine joh! Zilikuwa na part a,b,c,d cheeeiii!! Na wale wa kutuma unholy pictures kwa inbox…. Receive Jesus!
But before I proceed, I want to speak about Sondeka Awards which I was lucky to attend last Wednesday. Did I mention it was an invites only? Never mind. The place was packed with misfits and non-conformists who wear their rebellion like le haute couture gowns and for some reason, I felt at home. I got to the event hours late because I was my brother Cecil’s admission to the bar party. Congratulations once again bro! Tetu Shani performed live! (At Sondeka Awards) Have you seen that guy in 3D? Fine oooh! (Agnes, he is married, the guy is taken, he thanked his wife for her support when receiving his award for ‘Best Live Band’ remember?) Then there was this chic, Mumbi Macharia, a spoken word artist with too much sass. She performed one of her amazing pieces Slay Queens.
You know, I have tried so many times to run away from being a creative. I have wished I was super good at math or science like my dad. My old man tried to talk me into clinical med or pharmacy after high school but I refused. I went behind his back and registered for a communication course, sorry dad hihihi! That decision will pay off one day, I promise. I have tried to run away from the creative industry but every damn time I find myself in it! I guess that is God being God, being humorous and telling me that I am stuck in this forever. Also, I saw a certain guy at the event whose short stories I love. Hi CJ Gicheru? A brother man, who was one of the nominees for the ‘Short Stories’ category, disappeared before I could say hi. But si you check out his work here?
Anyway, after perusing through the questions sent on my email, WhatsApp, Facebook comments and inbox, I filed the following:
1. How old are you?
25 years old.
2. Where did you buy that black top? (Refer to the cover photo). Ooh, and your braids, who’s your salonist?
The black top was a gift from my sister. I took that photo in campus. (Moi University Main Campus fam where at thou?) The salonist was a lady in campus called Awino. Girl used to do the best braiding ever!! I sometimes want to travel all the way to Eldoret to have her lay her magical hands on my hair once more.
3. Hiyo ni lipstick number?
I borrowed the then photographer Lynn. Lynn iyo ilikuwa lipstick gani na namba gani?
To my dreams.
5. Why are you not married?
Enyewe most of the guys who asked this question…..hmmmmh! Hata sijawahi kuona washikaji wao! Hata boyfriend/girlfriend for hire! Hata trophy girlfriend! Hata ruracio! Hata engagement party! Ngo! But anyway, I think it’s unfair that you already assume I am not married! I am married to my dreams people! Ama hiyo si marriage? Lakini for real, I am not married because I haven’t met him yet. OK? Maybe I have met him but I don’t know that he is the one. Plus I am still my mother’s baby. She calls me her little teddy bear hehehe!
6 a. How’s that your “boyfriend” the one you met in town on a rainy day?
He is good.
b. Are you still together?
Una maswali mengi…
c. Have y’all smashed yet?
Hehehe! *flips her immobile faux bun*
7. What s the mystery behind your sweet smile?
Aaaaaaw! Thanks for the compliment dear. I walk away from things and people that make me unhappy. My old man (may he RIP) loved seeing my sisters and I happy so I strive to be happy always.
8. Yule jama wa kukuanulia nguo kwa plot bado yuko? Refer to ‘Am Not Weird My Dear Neighbor’
Yes, he is still my neighbor.
9. Can you love up to the end without playing games?
I play games. Candy crush, puzzle pets, fruit pop etc. Ama unauliza games gani?
10. How are your kids?
I have no kids at the moment. Would really love to though.
11. Grand plan?
Nyangi, this is like an inside inside inside joke so I will not even delve into it any further.
12. Worst thing you’ve ever done to get a job?
I lied about being super deeply passionate about the industry of that job. I ended up not getting the job anyway.
13. Are you virgin?
Here is the thing, knowledge on status of my hymen will not change a thing in your life. It won’t end corruption, it won’t finish cancer, it won’t even pay an okoa jahazi debt. It won’t do shit. So I will pass.
14. I have seen on your profile that you love good music! According to you, does roots reggae qualify as good music?
I love music. I listen to a lot of genres but roots and reggae are not really my favorite. However I think Morgan Heritage’s music is super dope. Plus ‘good music’ is relative.
Let me find the husband first.
17. One big lesson you learnt from your last relationship?
That some people are not meant to be in your life in the capacity you want them to be in. No matter how bad you want it.
18. Current Favorite beauty and hair products?
I was a product junkie at some point in my life but being broke happened so I just have 2 at the moment.
- Nivea Blackberry Shine lip balm. Nivea lip balms are worth the hype trust me.
- GroHealthy Shea Butter and Coconut Moisture Rich Hair Conditioner. Ghai! It smells heavenly! I’d recommend it for naturalistas suffering from dry hair.
19. What book are you reading currently?
‘We’re Going To Need More Wine’ by Gabrielle Union
20. Current favorite song?
Can I give more than 1? Pretty please? Yes? OK.
- Ghetto Angel By Marques Houston
- Man’s Not Hot Parody By Padi Wubonn
- Rewind By Sauti Sol Ft Khaligraph Jones
- Sura Ya Kazi by Sosuun (Where did this chic go?)
- Bastard by The Three Wise Men
- Ukitafuta (Remix) by L-Jay Masaai & Kelele Takatifu
21. Which body part are you insecure about?
My forehead. It glows in the dark hahaha!
22. Things that irk you the most?
They are quite a number but I will mention a few
- People who say ‘makeups’ *deep sigh* the hell! The fucking hell!!!
- People who wave on Messenger. The app is already annoying enough so please don’t wave.
- When I get to the supermarket and I find that the price of sanitary towels has gone up, with even a shilling. That shit pisses me the hell off! Bleeding from your privates is already enough, then you have to pay an arm and a leg to have some decent sanitation during that time? Really government? What happens to that woman who can not afford the sanitary towels? Huh?
- Women who bring other women down then heap the blame of gender bias on men while claiming to be all about girl power! You can’t claim to be all about girl power yet you body shame other women, you hate women who are more successful than you, you peddle rumors of them having slept with who is who to get to where they are! No bitch it doesn’t work like that!
- Cancer and the fact that it is slowly eating people away. It has taken some of my family members. Then the only time we hear about cancer in the media is when a celeb or a politician is flown abroad for its treatment! Aaaaargh! Make cancer treatment affordable darn it!!! Ordinary Kenyans are a cancer away from poverty.
- Spiral sufuria scourers. The ones that have a shinny coating. Honestly, as an expert in sufuria scrubbing, I feel like these products are a joke, like who invented them? I choose steel wool any day….Sokoni steel wool to be precise. Ama mnifunze kuzitumia
23. Ever been arrested.
Well almost. I ran away from a cop chasing me. I think I have some Kalenjin genes.
24. One person you wish you could bring back to life?
My dad. I miss him so much.
25. Lately I have been……
Watching a lot of local and international investigative series. This has made me realize that I would make a shitty crime investigator hehehe! I have also become addicted to a number of local YouTube channels and not those ones za “I Thrifted A Sweater for $3 At Toi” kind of bullshit. Some local YouTubers are giving some legit content. Lastly I have been making a lot of time for those I love, life is too short to be busy for those who matter to you. Nothing beats fam time, I always say that.
26. Celebrity crush?
I have tons of ’em honey! Hahahaha! It will make an entire blog post. #groupieforlife
27. Favorite past time?
Getting on my small sister Kavevi’s nerves. I just like how she says, “Agie wacha kunisumbua!” It’s a lifetime pact I made with her. Plus that’s what she gets for growing taller than me.
28. What things do people assume about you?
- That because I have a petite frame I am very athletic. Hohoho! you should see how I pant after getting up the stairs. I am not proud of this by the way.
- I have had people who thought I was snobbish. This is not true, I am just a bit shy. But I have an awesome personality! Ask my friends. Sijipigii debe.
- I don’t know if this is an assumption, but I have had many people who’ve told me that I sound different from how I look on phone and on my blog. Ati I don’t sound like the 1GB I am. Let me take that as a compliment.
29. Favorite nude lipstick?
I have never tried nude lip colors. I tend to go for bold hues of red or tinted lip balms, but you can still recommend a nude color dear make up artist, I am open to experimentation.
30. One thing you did of late that made you feel terrible?
I had to tell a good friend some bitter truth and it hurt me to hurt him but I know he will be grateful later.
31. Most stupid thing you have ever said when angry?
This is about to get a bit awkward and vulgar but anyway……. So, I was really mad on a certain day and my two friends Lynn and Tony were trying to calm me down. But I was beyond pissed! I was boiling with rage meen!! So I shouted, “That fucker can suck my dick for all I care! He can suck my dick!” So Tony was shocked so he asked “Agie you have a dick?” Lynn was rolling with laughter probably wondering how she never noticed that her 2 year room mate could be having a…. Anyway to cut the long story short I already went for confessions and the priest told me that the Good Lord had forgiven me. Plus I don’t have a… I am female. Just thought I should clarify.
32. Your worst habit is….
I am such a time waster, it’s beginning to worry me. Who takes 15 mins in the shower and another 15 minutes to decide what ear rings to wear in the morning after waking up late? Who? Please recommend a jalemo to pray for me.
33. Why didn’t the last date grow into a relationship or tread towards that?
The brother man be hormonal! I was also hormonal! And the last time I checked I was the one with the ovaries, the high oestrogen levels and the menstrual cycle. So in short everyone chose to hold on to their hormones and that is why we had to part ways. Moral of the story too much hormones are bad for a budding romance. Hahaha! Just kidding, it just didn’t work out. Vindu vicollapsanga.
34. What’s your ‘I can’t take it anymore’ point, be it in a friendship, relationship or even family?
I have some of the dopest family members so for my family it has never really gotten to that extreme. But the point when I can’t take it more is when I realize that the relationship or friendship is one sided, that I am the one putting in all the effort. That makes me unhappy and I walk away from things that make me unhappy.
35. Have you ever hooked up two of your friends successfully?
Hahaha! I suck at matching people. The last time I tried to hook up my friends, I was asked by the guy *coughs*Willies*coughs* “Huyo beshte yako unasema amenilike ni dem au chali? LGBT shit is real!” End of match making career!
36. What’s one lesson you have learnt from the school of life of late?
That nice girls are overrated, bad ass bitches run this universe. So speak your mind earthling! Also don’t laugh at lame jokes. It’s not worth it!
There you go guys. Plus I am never doing a post like this again hehehe!
Have a lovely week.