I have been going a lot of changes. The kind of changes that have made me question a lot about myself; my abilities, beliefs, personality, strengths, weaknesses, etc. Sometimes everything happens at once and so fast. That is why I took a break from the blog. I had no writers’ block, I just wanted time to process everything and prepare strategies of how to deal. I wanted to breathe in and tell myself, “Agnes relax! You got this! Your father raised a strong woman!” But before you worry about me, the changes I am going through are not necessarily bad, they are just pushing me out of my comfort zone. Being a person who secretly fears change, I am having some difficulty adjusting but I will be OK, au vipi? But I missed posting here…… a lot!
Today I just want to share some random thoughts:
For the very first time my two sisters and I sat down to talk about how we received the news of father’s death last year. The first person to break down to tears was our second born Nyawanda and, the whole time I kept telling myself, “Agie don’t you dare cry bitch! You should be strong for your younger sisters!” But I was the second one to cry. The last born Kavevi hugged us both. She was the strong one. The thing that really touched me about that entire session, was the fact that Nyawanda actually let us console her. She allowed us to hug her. If you know Nyawanda, then you know that she is allergic to hugs and feelings. But beneath that tough exterior, Nyawanda actually has feelings! Our emotional moment was interrupted by mum when she brought us juice served in the new glasses that she had bought. My mother can be such a show off at times hahaha! At least we used the glasses kabla hazijageuzwa kuwa za wageni. But it is OK mama, you keep doing your thing.
I am learning to high five myself whenever I achieve my goals. Celebrating my minor and major victories. Most importantly I am learning to forgive myself whenever I fail.
Seriously missing my dear crazy cousin Nyangi. Girl when are we meeting huh? When are you coming to my hacienda? Or should I come visit? Are we going to let life happen and make us too busy for each other?
Marveling at how awesome my toe nails look in clear nail polish. Why was I complicating my life?
In dire need of lessons on how to say no and how to manage my time. I just discovered that my sisters gave me a nickname ‘TW’ initials for ‘Time Waster’ things are that bad fam! Sambari help me!
Listening to Jidenna’s Bambi on replay. I love love love that song.
Found out that my grandma broke up with her boyfriend Tiende Obam. “Mzee nasirika na mimi!” (He is mad at me) is what she said when I asked her why they broke up. I honestly hope that they fix their problems. Relationships can be quite tasking! Cheeiii! She could not give me more details as she is nursing her heart break. But ze fine ghel my grandma is, she will definitely find new love very soon. Your loss Tiende Obam!
I just realized that sometimes having a person who encourages and pushes you to do better is all you need to get through times of self doubt.
Is there no cure for eczema?
Went out for lunch with my cousin Jojo last Sunday. Dude gave me the menu and asked me to order whatever I wanted only for him to order for me when the waiter came. Ni sawa tu! Thanks for the lunch though.
I could really use some extra sleep but lately I have been in this special relationship with anxiety aaaaargh!! HR can I get a day off?
Given a chance I would love to touch Jidenna’s beard. Is it even real?
A certain self-proclaimed chef told me that he is scared of cooking for me because the food would be so finger licking good, I would end up biting my fingers. The said chef, went on to brag about his specialty called ‘African Robeiro’ (what a name). Bwana chef unanipikia this robeiro thingy lini?
Reading ‘The Miseducation Of Obi Ifeanyi’ by Chinedu Achebe.
I definitely need to clear the useless media in my phone so as to create space for new memes. I also need to stop procrastinating. It is reducing the quality of my life.
My little CSR project is making a colleague at work drink water. Fortunately or unfortunately, she confessed to me that she can go for a week or more without drinking a drop of water. Who even does that? I now serve and refill her glass with water every time I pass by her desk. I do so with enticing words like “Chef De Cuisine Agnes Nyakwar Senior Chief Opondo is at your service! On today’s menu is, refreshing mineral water with sparkling molecules of H2O, garnished with pure awesomeness and served at room temperature with a sincere smile! I have to stimulate her thirst now, right?
Slowly trying to love and accept our cat Jeeiii’s girlfriend or should I say cat friend? Honestly, I feel like Jeeiii could have done a better job at hunting for a mate but oh well, who am I to meddle in Jeeiii’s love matters? I just think it is cute that they are always together playing and having fun! Aaaaaww!
It saddens me to know that a good number of Kenyan organizations still have contacts that are not up to date on their websites. It is really annoying to want services only to find emails and phone numbers that don’t exist. It is even worse when they don’t respond to your DMs and inbox messages.
The other day my small sister Kavevi told me, “Agie the problem with you is that you love too much!” Anyone with a love regulating machine? Or an app that will help me regulate the amount of love I dispense per thing or per person?
Super grateful for the guys who spare time to read my matatu drama on Facebook. I appreciate the love meeeeen! I know it has been a while but I will post soon.
Still trying to understand why mum told us that when Nyawanda and I were little kids, a friend of hers asked her if she would be comfortable having us feature in a TV commercial. My mum in her infinite wisdom, turned down the offer only to tell us of her decision years later! But why mother? Why? Yaani we were destined for stardom but you had to ruin it huh? Then still tell us how you ruined our chances of being famous? Lakini bora uhai! Haidhuru!
Working on my ‘corporate laugh’ hahaha! It is the most fake kind of laughter but I got bills to pay aye? I garra do what I garra do!
Craving Nyawanda’s cooking especially her grilled meat. Guys nimekuwa nikikula kwa macho as these delicacies are only found on Nyawanda’s WhatsApp statuses. When are you spoiling your beloved big sister? When?
Major life lesson: Be nice to people, tables do turn and things do change.
I need to meet the audio producer of the song Lamba Lolo by Rekles, Seska, Swat & Zilla. I think that beat is fire!
Received the two requests from guest writers who wanted to be featured on this blog. Gentlemen, I will go through your articles then revert. Editing ndio shida hihihi! In the meantime, you can share with me any other details about yourselves, juu kuna wanadada hapa, mafine ghels, mnaweza jiuzia sera. Just saying.
Earlier last month, I visited Kavevi in hospital then the nurse was like, “Maryann (That’s Kavevi’s real name), wake up your small sister is here to see you!” I wanted to correct that statement but the nurse smiled kindly at me as he said that. Kavevi just so you know, I saw the wicked grin on your face you tall little brat!
Currently I am, seated next to some super organized chic at an advocacy training. She came to the training with the bloody timetable neatly printed and filed in a clear file. Mimi hata sikufungua attachment ya email with the training invite. She also has a dainty notepad and pen while I just showed up freestyle. Her handwriting is so neat that it is annoying me! Her make up is flawless and her outfit is super dope! I hate her already! Why am I so bloody disorganized? Mmmh! Hata sijaskia wivu.
Most of all, I am striving to keep that smile on the cover photo by avoiding people and things that make me unhappy.
Feels good to be back. Lovely week guys!