Family, Musings

WELCOME TO MY SHANOO

Hi guys welcome to my blog. Welcome to my shanooooo!! In another life I would have been a YouTube content creator. Anyway last week was a heavy week for me plus I had a mini writer’s block, so I could not summon my creative juices to put a piece on this blog. Nevertheless I appreciate every soul that reached out asking why I had not posted. I do not take the time you spare for this blog for granted. Thank you so much.

Moving on swiftly I have a number of things to say:

I was part of the bridal party for my cousin’s wedding over the weekend and guys I have to admit that the wedding was beautiful. Aaaaaawww! Ilikuwa ni sherehe ya kukata na shoka jameni! Edward and Brenda may God bless your union. I wish you all the best in your marriage.

Some people are bad influence *coughs*Willies & Yonie*coughs* staying sober a whole night around them requires nothing but God’s grace. Dudes! How many times do I have tell you I am not mixing my meds with booze? Niimbe na battalion? Hahaha! Do you know how painful it was to take Delmonte Apple Juice a whole night while you guys were enjoying whisky on the rocks? Lubbish!!

Speaking of meds, I went for a review at the doctor’s on Monday and the dude added me another dose of meds. So for the next three months, no booze, no lemon tea and reduced avocado and fries intake. What is life? But I will obey. Sina uwezo. I need to be fully healed. Thank you doctor.

A certain human fell into the pool during the wedding after party. I know this is not funny but I still laugh every time I remember this. I am so tempted to mention names but let me just preserve this creature’s dignity. Hahahaha! (Okay stop laughing Agnes).

Just because you are tall, that doesn’t give you the right to crop out others off the picture. How can you take a selfie with my forehead and hair only? Some of us have internal height na sasa juu yako ni external hatutapumua? What kind of family do I have anyway?

I should try full beat face make up more mbikos do you see the lady in the cover photo? She is called Agnes Opondo ladies and gentlemen. Yezzzzz! By the way my own mother could not recognize me in the full beat face. She asked me whether I had seen her daughter Agnes. I had to re-introduce myself fam but haidhuru.

Cancer yawa! Why?

My amazing grandma AKA Tiende Obam’s girlfriend is back with bang! She got me amazing handbags among other gifts. Thanks grandma. She was really glowing despite complaining that she had broken up with her mans. This happens every time she is coming back home. I also don’t understand why. Yaani since 2016 we have never seen this guy! Not even a photo of him! Grandma please we need proof of his existence. This Tiend Obam of yours! If you want to see my boyfriend I need to see yours first! Thaz it!

My cousin Regina AKA Mommy Water (we have so many Reginas in my family) got me a deliciously scented Vanilla Body Splash from Bath & Body Works. Wah! Si inanukia! Thanks dear.

Finally a new tenant moved in next door. Now I have a new neighbor, so Peter please stop asking me questions about him. You moved on so will I. My new neighbor looks like a cool chap. He doesn’t blast annoying music too. He is fairly tall with a chocolate complexion and says hi with a genuine smile every time we meet. Unlike some idiot who would stare at me like I had stolen his kidney before coughing out a greeting (Peter please change your ways). I have already given him a brief orientation on how to survive in the hood and some words of advice/encouragement mbikos I am cool like that. Dear neighbor welcome to ze hood of champions. Also Peter stop asking me how life is without you. I am doing fine and yes I will resume the work out next month. Plus I have been eating healthy.

Last but not least, the wedding made me realize that I might act tough and all, but deep down I want sambarry’s son to do things the right way. Ask for my hand in marriage properly, get married and have kids and stuff you know? Yeah that kind of thing.

Wewe endelea tu kukaza matako kama aliya (dried meat), ivo ndio utapata mzee wako amenyakuliwa .

Nyangi,

My Amazing Cousin, Most Beautiful Soul I Know, Girl Needs Prayer, Sly’s Creativity CEO

If you do not understand Swahili, don’t bother to get a translation of this quote. If you understand Swahili, don’t ask the context of our conversation where this ‘wise’ quote was born.

Have a blessed week.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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16 thoughts on “WELCOME TO MY SHANOO”

  1. Your new neighbor will soon learn you’re a stubborn daughter of a Senior Chief and will treat you accordingly. Or marry you. If he chooses the latter, woe unto you both because I am taking the credit for your union. Just imagine if I didn’t move out.
    And I despise kicking someone who’s already on the floor. Get well soon. Just so that I don’t feel guilty when I say mean shit to you.

    Liked by 1 person

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